Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.
I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.
This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend !!!!
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.
I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
There is a devil in every berry of the grape.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I drink to forget I drink.
I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.
Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.
Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn’t hold water.
The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.